Published by Elaine Arthur on 29 September 2012
Coffee, Cawfee, Java, Joe – whatever you call it – it’s irresistible.
We’ve gone through the stages of coffee under extreme addiction. We recommend not becoming so dependent on coffee that any of this stuff actually happens.
Cup One: You feel a bit more awake.
Cup Two: You feel marginally human. You can now answer the phone and consider turning your PC on.
Cup Three: You are feeling more like yourself. You’ve gone and smiled at a random stranger. You find posts on facebook that make you smile.
Cup Four; You start to feel very determined. You can do anything! One spreadsheet? Stuff that, let’s do 3 at once. opens lots of tabs in Chrome
Cup Five: Makes no impact. Must be decaf.
Cup Six: No change. Feel full but need more energy.
Cup Seven: HOLY MACKEREL. You’re on fire. Your fingers go quicker than your brain. You need food. You stumble to the vending machine for a Twix. You devour it like an animal. You are ready to take on the world! But first, some star jumps. And no more coffee.
Cup Eight : Actually decaff. Feels like fat free chocolate. Or alcohol free beer. The judders begin.
Cup Nine: Delivered to the coaster next to your head, which is currently face down on your desk.
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